Never too close
but never away
My heart yearns for you
Your presence
Your smile
Yours words
And at the same time
My head forces me
to stay in reality
to be cautious
to analyse
Your absence
Your smile
Your words
Who are you?
I don’t have a clue
But I like to dream
We were soulmates
In another life
and in a far away country
I love you
I think
and
I love
loving you
but above all
I love feeling
In love
and so
Alive.
Trois… parce que c’est un chiffre magique et parce qu’aussi, pensa-t-elle en souriant, on dit 1-2-3 partez! Oui c’était décidé, elle allait attendre son troisième faux pas.
Le premier avait été une faute d’étourderie, vraiment, une erreur de débutant. Il était sorti en disant qu’il ferait des petites courses et qu’ensuite il passerait au Macdo. Elle s’était réjouie: pas de cuisine et pas de vaisselle.
Le supermarché était à 5 minutes en voiture. Il avait mis 2h20. Il était revenu avec un sourire aux lèvres et sans le macdo. Trop de monde au supermarché, c’est pourquoi il avait laissé tomber en arrivant à la caisse et en voyant la longueur de la file. Et pour le macdo, il s’était arrêté pour manger à l’intérieur. Lui avait-elle dit de lui apporter quelque chose? Il n’avait pas entendu.
Quelques semaines plus tard, elle avait senti son parfum à elle sur son corps à lui. Elle s’était rapprochée dans le lit pour sentir sa chaleur et son odeur rassurantes. Elle avait été troublée par ce parfum, comme si elle s’était retrouvée au lit avec un inconnu. D’ailleurs, elle avait cherché à regarder ce visage, et c’était comme si elle le découvrait pour la première fois. Lui, avait brièvement ouvert les yeux, et lui avait dit qu’il était fatigué, trop fatigué.
Elle n’avait rien dit, rien laissé paraître. Elle s’était mise à l’observer, beaucoup. Quand il rentrait le soir, elle cherchait sur son visage des signes de joie, de troubles ou d’une quelconque autre émotion. Quand il travaillait sur son bureau, elle attendait en le regardant de voir s’il avait des moments de reverie où il pensait à l’autre.
Ils continuaient à faire l’amour. Une ou deux fois par semaine. Elle ne pouvait le nier: ils s’entendaient à merveille sur le plan sexuel. Il devançait et devinait ses envies et elle savait comment le rendre fou de désir.
Mais alors pourquoi avait-il une aventure avec l’autre? Qu’avait-elle de plus? Elle comptait bien obtenir des réponses à ces questions.
Et elle savait maintenant que ce moment n’allait pas tarder. Il avait bien pris ses précautions cette fois. Il avait vite répondu au teléphone et avait rapidement refermé la porte pour ne pas être entendu. Elle ne l’avait ni entendu s’énerver ni lui demander de ne plus rappeler, mais elle avait clairement vu le nom “Patrick” s’afficher sur l’écran du portable et elle en était sûre, la voix qu’elle avait entendue à peine une ou deux secondes, avant que la porte ne lui claque au nez, n’appartenait pas à un Patrick.
1, 2, 3 Partez!
Avec toi je vibre, j’ai peur
De bonheur, de douleur
J’exalte de joie
Et je m’effondre, je pleure
J’ai abandonné l’idée folle de te contrôler
Avec le temps j’ai compris
J’essaye de t’apaiser
En te touchant,
Des caresses, des étreintes
Et doucement
Tu reviens
Tu me chuchotes
Tes doutes, tes craintes
Est on assez fort?
Et à l’avenir
Saura-t on faire face?
De calme, de chants
De mots rassurants
Tu en as besoin
Et petit à petit
Tu laisses ces peurs se dissiper.
Regarde le passé et vois
Comme tu as été fort
Comme tu m’as aidé et soutenu
Tu as pansé avec moi
Nos blessures
En croyant qu’elles étaient si profondes
Que jamais on ne se releverait
Et souviens-toi
Des sensations fortes
Des amours-passions
Et des matins-tendresse
Faut-il que je te rappelle aussi
Que tu as porté, nourri et bercé
Ce petit être bien au chaud?
Peut-être est-ce ma faute
Peut-être que je ne te dis pas assez souvent
Que tu es beau et fort
Je te suis reconnaissante d’être comme tu es
Laisse moi te sussurer ces mots
Encore et encore
Merci mon corps
“Hey, do you realise what you’re doing? … No, you listen first… You’re calling me on my mobile phone, you’re f… crazy? You want her to know? Is that what you want? Tell me.. You want a chat with her? He was angrily trying to keep his voice down and to breathe steadily.
At the other end, the soft voice was apologizing and sounded genuinely sorry. As a result, his anger was subsiding.
It’s ok now…. no, she’s gone… yes I’m sure, I closed the bathroom door on her and just now I heard her slam the entrance door shut…She’s out.
You need to understand, you can’t do that! She’s not feeling good at the moment, a bit depressed, I don’t know… Thinking too much like all of you women! I know I miss you too. Of course, I think of you… But now, I need to hurry, finish shaving and check on her. Make sure she didn’t hear the phone and your voice.. Just promise me you won’t phone again, you wait till I phone you, right? … Now, that’s my girl!
He hang up and quickly finished shaving. He wiped his face on his towel and after a quick look at his face in the mirror, realised how bad his shaving line looked. He mumbled out loud ” where is she?”
He grabbed his phone and called her. One ringing tone, two …, three…Ah I’m happy you’re answering it’s me…
He grinned with relief to his reflection on the mirror as he was talking to her.
” She didn’t hear anything” he knew it.
She remembered how it all started, his words: not now, please I’m busy … can’t you see? Really sorry but I can’t talk now, we’ll talk later. Ok? And the door, closing on her. She remained there, still.
She couldn’t speak, or think.
She looked at the door and suddenly she walked to the sofa, grabbed her handbag and went straight to the door and out.
In her car, her right hand started the engine while she was holding firmly her bag. She could hear the strong vibrations of the car along with the loud pounding of her heart.
Let’s do it! She had made up her mind.
Her hands searched her bag. Then she took out her lipstick, the red one and her lipliner. She lowered the driver’s mirror and finely started to outline her lips. She didn’t need much makeup, the lipstick would be the finishing touch. A swift final look at her eyes… No going back, now, she thought.
Her fingers tapped the message: café in front of the park 30 mins. She sent it.
Her phone vibrated straight after that. On her screen, a picture of her husband holding her tight when she was giggling.
” Are you in the car? Sorry about earlier, had to finish shaving. I know you want to talk and we’ll talk. I booked that restaurant you like by the lake. Are you ready to go?”
“Errr….Now?”
“Yeah if you’re ready, you just need your bag, you can put your makeup en route.”
She hesitated.
“Ok.”
“I’ll be one minute.”
She hang up. Her heart started to race harder in her chest. She typed “Forget me, we’ll be fine”, quickly, maybe too quickly as she sent the message to her husband.
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
Brave little girl
Fighting against her tears
Feeling in her stomach
The pain and the injustice
Clenching her fists
And biting her lips to keep
It all inside.
You can let go now
Let it out
Blow it out
So you can breathe in
And feel inside your body
Some AIR
some OXYGEN
some LIFE
Look at me
I’m different
I’m lame
Not as beautiful as the others
Not so ugly
Just injured
My sorrow left a trace on my face
It won’t go
It’s a shame
…
No
It’s my strength
It’s my story
It’s the reason why
You
Stop and
Look at me.
I wrote these lines for Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #22: Secret Doorway.
I chose the photo prompt. (Poetry Challenge – Write a poem of no more than 20 lines where the first and last lines are the same, taking your inspiration from the photo.)
Plus profondément le chagrin creusera votre être, plus vous pourrez contenir de joie.
The deeper Sorrow carves into your being, the more Joy you can contain.
Khalil Gibran
Summer is great! Especially when you are on holiday and can enjoy spending your time as you wish. Not having to rush somewhere or do something on your list that you “absolutely” have to do.
I feel invigorated by the sun, I feel its warmth and embrace and it makes me feel alive. Yes, I feel alive. Happy and so alive. Happy to be alive. I want to celebrate Life. Its beauty, its vibrancy and its fragility.
Maybe it’s the effect of the books I have been reading (about positivity, relaxation and meditation), maybe it’s my friends and family surrounding me with their love, or else it may be the student I had nearly 10 years ago, whom everybody said would end up spending his life in jail and who is now a professional basketball player in the US (thanks facebook!) or maybe it’s just the sun. Whatever it may be, I decide to keep one word in mind for the next school year: Shine.
In times of doubt and fear: Shine!
It means: show the best of you, don’t stop or hesitate, keep your head up and smile. Smile at yourself, at the person you are and shut that voice that belittle you, be your best friend, loving and caring and patient. Give yourself the trust you deserve to shine.
To my students: Shine!
I will try to reassure them and encourage them to do their best, to be proud of themselves, to stop being too harsh and comparing themselves to others, they are special, they are unique, they can and they will shine.
Promise made 😉
When I think of you,
Indefectibly I smile
And I feel proud.
Through the hardships
You stand and fight.
Your most impressive
And secret weapon
Your delicate gentleness.
Let me tell you
your great victory:
Today, I am touched to see
Your precious ones
In their hearts you instilled
the same softness and strength
I see in your eyes.
Please big sista
Keep looking up
And beyond
because
I so look up to you
So Thank you.
PS: You care so much about us
And always did
So sorry if we forget sometimes to say
We too care dearly for you.
TWO SISTERS
